birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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