We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
