Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
