I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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