My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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