Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
