I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
