Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
