mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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