she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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