Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
