I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
