Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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