The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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