During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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