I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize