how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
