dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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