god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
