hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
