everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
