She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
