I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
