Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
