Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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