YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
