we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
