I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize