i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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