do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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