I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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