Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
