I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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