Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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