I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
