There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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