Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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