The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
