If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize