You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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