Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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