Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
