Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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