why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
