Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
