DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
