I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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