you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
