Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
