Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
