Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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