how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize