Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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