Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
