weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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