her facebook's as public as her vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
