it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
