Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
