I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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