so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Enjoy the penises
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
