I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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