I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
