A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
