Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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