Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
