My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
