Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
