no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
