remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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