I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
