I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize