I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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