cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
