I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
